Love And Other Contemplations. . .

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of every day’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death. 

(Elizabeth Barrett Browning)

My husband and I recently celebrated forty years of wedded bliss! Wait, really? Wedded bliss? I have to be honest here, it has not been blissful every day of those forty years (I’m smiling as I contemplate). So, if it’s not always blissfully wonderful, what makes a couple continue in a marriage relationship for forty, fifty or sixty years? Simply said, we took a vow in front of friends and family and we love one another. That’s why. 

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines vow as “a serious promise to do something or to behave in a certain way.” The transitive verb is; 1-- to promise solemnly, or to swear and 2-- to bind or consecrate by a vow. Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s poem describes in dramatic terms, a love that transcends time and while I’m not a particularly romantic soul, I did solemnly swear to love and respect my spouse “til death do us part.” 

When I consider my years of marriage in parts and pieces, there have been times when we have faced hard issues and tough circumstances. We have struggled with communication and have sometimes not understood each other. We have had relationship issues, financial issues, child rearing issues and countless other difficulties but through it all, we have loved and respected one another. When I look at the sum of our forty years together, the good far out-weighs the bad! 

Let me clarify, we have not always liked each other (smiling again) but love is always in the mix! The Bible tells us that “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. (1 Peter 4:8)” That is especially true in marriage. Each day is an exercise in extending grace to each other. I can’t give you a date and time when the “me” became “we,” but I know for any marriage or relationship to survive, it has to be about “us.”  

My husband’s name means, “harmonious/handsome” and my name means “warlike/brave hearted.” Most folks, who know us well, would say those names are very descriptive of our characters. My husband is a lover and an encourager and I (though it’s hard to own sometimes) am a warrior. I am restless and ambitious but my husband is contented, loving, and a rock for me in difficult times. You might wonder how that works out for us. Actually, it works out pretty well most of the time. However, there are times when even after all the years together, we have to work hard at forgiveness and grace. 

My husband is very patient with my warlike tendencies and he seems to know how to soothe my ruffled feathers. I know he needs to feel appreciated and valued. He wants our home to be peaceful and he does his best to contribute to that. What makes our efforts worthwhile? For starters, we have three wonderful children who still like to come home to visit! We have five terrific grandchildren that enjoy visiting Nana and Papa! We have a lovely life together that we have worked hard to build, and last, but certainly not least, we have each other. 

If I could somehow share with young marriages how good it feels to be where we are now, I’m convinced they would try hard to hold it together through the hard times. We started out friends and we are still best friends. We enjoy spending time together and whether we are doing something fun and exciting or watching our favorite TV program, there is a kind of contentment we don’t find with anyone else. We can sit quiet together for hours without uncomfortable silence but we also have interesting conversations about any and everything. 

We were teenagers when we took our vows, and looking back over the last forty years, I would do it over again, in a heartbeat. So, in spite of my less than romantic inclinations, I think Ms. Browning captured the essence of soul deep love.  “. . . I love thee with the breath, Smiles, tears, of all my life!. . .”